Let’s be honest here: You and your roommate(s) are never going to see eye to eye on everything.
Whether it is about doing dishes, who’s buying the paper towels, or whether they can have friends over at 12 am on a Tuesday night, things are going to come up that you just won’t agree on. However, you certainly don’t want to end up in a bickering match or giving each other the silent treatment for the rest of the year.
This is why you need to be prepared before it comes time for you to have a talk. Here are some tips that we at JumpOffCampus recommend to nail the unavoidable confrontations.
Whether it is about doing dishes, who’s buying the paper towels, or whether they can have friends over at 12 am on a Tuesday night, things are going to come up that you just won’t agree on. However, you certainly don’t want to end up in a bickering match or giving each other the silent treatment for the rest of the year.
This is why you need to be prepared before it comes time for you to have a talk. Here are some tips that we at JumpOffCampus recommend to nail the unavoidable confrontations.
Avoid passive aggression.
The sticky note you leave your roommate detailing their wrong doings never goes over well. If something is bothering you, the best approach is to be direct and face the problems head on. An honest and clear confrontation is always better than dirty looks and an awkward interaction in the kitchen while you both cook dinner.
Emphasize the positive.
Before you talk with your roommate, be sure to make a list of their positive qualities. This will help to remind you what you like about them, and it will help keep you positive when you talk with them. Most of the time, what happened wasn't on purpose, so remember they are good people with good intentions.
Consider how you could be contributing to the situation.
Usually issues in a relationship are never black and white. Maybe your roommate never does the dishes because you never do. You will want to consider how you could make changes too. Reflect on what is bothering you and ask yourself if you might be projecting on things you don't do either.
Be prepared.
NEVER GO INTO A SITUATION LIKE THIS UNPREPARED. I repeat: NEVER GO INTO A SITUATION LIKE THIS UNPREPARED. This is perhaps the most important item on this list. If you go into a situation like this with your roommate and you have not thought about what you are going to say beforehand, a myriad of (not-so-good) things can happen.
However, what will most likely happen is one of two things: 1) you won’t actually say what you meant to say, or 2) you won’t say it right and it will cause more friction between you and your roommate and someone might end up hurt. Be prepared! Think about what you want to say and how you want to approach the situation. Consider possible reactions, your approach to their responses and keep some notes and practice beforehand. You don’t have to be afraid to talk with your roommate; you just have to be prepared.
However, what will most likely happen is one of two things: 1) you won’t actually say what you meant to say, or 2) you won’t say it right and it will cause more friction between you and your roommate and someone might end up hurt. Be prepared! Think about what you want to say and how you want to approach the situation. Consider possible reactions, your approach to their responses and keep some notes and practice beforehand. You don’t have to be afraid to talk with your roommate; you just have to be prepared.
Pick a comfortable location and time to talk.
You want to pick a time and place where both you and your roommate will be relaxed. You may even want to set up a time with your roommate to talk with them. This will help to prevent any outside influences (work, school, etc.) from affecting the outcome of your talk. You also don't want to rush the conversation, so dedicate enough time for a long conversation incase things don't go as planned.
be clear and direct.
Be clear about what you want to change, and make sure there are no “grey” areas. You want to keep a cool head and be strategic about how you say what you need to say.
Use “I” statements versus “you” statements.
Be sure to avoid focusing the discussion on what your roommate is doing wrong. Instead focus on how the situation and their behavior makes you feel. This way you’ll prevent them from feeling attacked and shutting out what you are saying.
Don’t wait too long to talk to them.
Talk to them within a reasonable amount of time. If your roommate had a party while you were away and didn't clean the apartment, you don’t want to wait 3 months after the fact. Talk to them within a couple days of when you return. This way it will be fresh in both of your minds, and it will prevent any future incidents.